


18 Months, 3 Weeks, 4 Days

by DarkFic



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: AU, Aftermath of Torture, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt Nicole Haught, Hurt/Comfort, Injured Nicole Haught, Maybe between S2 and S3, No Dolls, Psychological Torture, Rape/Non-con Elements, Torture, Wynonna Not Pregnant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:01:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27635137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkFic/pseuds/DarkFic
Summary: Something happened to Nicole and she's been missing for nearly 2 years leaving behind an emotionally wrecked Waverly and a big hole in the team. When Nicole suddenly appears at the town line she is battered, bruised, beaten, and broken. Waverly is determined to love Nicole through the recovery but it's too big of a job for just a single Earp. The sisters will have to come together to create the right balance of peace and chaos, love and anger, to get Nicole through to the other side.(Happens between S2-S3. Everything up to S2 finale has happened, then I veer off)*This work will have graphic depictions of a wide range of physical, emotional, and sexual violence and its aftermath. I'm not sure just how graphic I'm going to get with it but it will definitely be a large portion of the story.*
Relationships: Waverly Earp & Nicole Haught, Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught
Comments: 41
Kudos: 349





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm putting this warning in twice because it needs to be made very clear that the story is almost entirely about the abuse Nicole suffers and how the Earp sisters work to get her through it.
> 
> *This work will have graphic depictions of a wide range of physical, emotional, and sexual violence and its aftermath. I'm not sure just how graphic I'm going to get with it but it will definitely be a large portion of the story.*
> 
> This is not my first fic - I've written XWP and BtVS before under other names but this is my first Wynonna fic. If there seems to be interest I'll keep writing and posting. I have spent a lot of time writing scripts and notice that I sometimes slip into that style when writing in a story format like this - if you notice it please let me know so I can tweak it.

Wynonna looked over to Waverly who sat quietly in the corner as she mindlessly worked on the computer and frowned as she looked at the shell of what used to be her vibrant and strong sister. Normally she would be cracking jokes at her sister for being so zoned out on the computer with her research but she didn’t even have it in her. She hated to admit it but she was surprised at how much Nicole’s absence impacted the entire team - she had become so integrated into the team that her not being with them anymore caused an almost tangible void. If that’s how she was feeling she couldn’t even begin to imagine how Waverly was feeling when it was clear that Nicole was the true love of her life. And thus, that’s why the small woman has been at that computer every single day doing research, monitoring all Jane Doe reports both dead and alive, and spending nearly every night cruising around town or listening to the police radio up in her room on the off chance that there is news about Nicole. She has been burning her candle at both ends, has deprived herself of any joy or pleasure, and has been wasting away before everyone’s eyes. No amount of fussing or fighting has managed to break through the fugue-like state she’s been in since Nicole disappeared without a trace over a year and a half ago. 

Wynonna was pulled from her reverie by the sound of pounding feet that sounded like a herd of elephants were stampeding out in the hall and then the door to the BBD offices flung open with a crash. Wynonna was up on her feet and pulling Peacemaker to aim it at the intrusion. It was such a commotion that it even made Waverly startle as she, too, jumped to her feet, prepared for some kind of impending attack. Wynonna could see several officers running down the hall as they were pulling on their jackets and Nedley was huffing in the doorway.

“Waverly…”

That’s all the sisters needed before they both took off running and practically ran Nedley over as they joined the flow of officers racing out of the building like the place was on fire. Waverly could have been on the football field with the way she plowed through any and all bodies in her way and Wynonna was close on her heels, taking full advantage of the clear path the tiny woman was making in her haste to get out of the building even though they didn’t know where they were going. 

Nedley was calling out to them as he tried to catch up. Once they started to all make it outside everyone was able to fan out as the officers all ran to their respective cars. Nedley waved the Earp sisters over to his car and Waverly naturally got in the passenger seat. Wynonna stopped for a second as she looked at the backseat, a spot she’d been in far too often as a teenager, but now wasn’t the time to bitch about seating arrangements. She jumped in just as Nedley was closing his door. Sirens were chirping from all the different cars and an ambulance went blasting by at full speed as everyone was racing to the scene. 

It could have just been mere minutes but it felt like an eternity before they arrived at the town line, sheriff’s department cars forming a blockade near the Welcome to Purgatory sign. While officers stepped from their vehicles no one approached as Waverly jumped from the still-moving chief’s car and took off running toward the sign. Wynonna angrily fought with the door handle even though she knew it wouldn’t open from the inside. The moment Nedley opened it from the outside she sprang out like a jack-in-the-box and caught up to Waverly. Wynonna stood near enough to her sister but kept herself a few paces back to give her space and Nedley stepped up beside the eldest Earp as they both looked on.

Waverly, silent tears streaming down her face, took tentative steps forward. So much of her wanted to just run right into Nicole and wrap her arms around her but upon seeing the filthy, bloodied woman barely keeping herself standing upright and whose eyes were darting about frantically, filled with terror, Waverly knew that pouncing on the woman was the last thing she should do. Instead, she took slow steps forward and her hands held open and away from her body like she was approaching a scared stray dog on the side of the road.

“Nicole?” Waverly’s voice cracked with emotion.

Nicole turned to the voice but still seemed to be having a hard time focusing.

“Baby?” Waverly’s voice wafted to her so softly but it seemed to be enough to help bring Nicole’s attention more on to the youngest Earp. Waverly’s heart broke more and more every second as she took in more of the sight in front of her. The battered and bruised face, the raw and bloody wrists, the shirt that was in such tatters it could barely be called a shirt. The dirt and grime caked onto Nicole. And even more, Waverly could see scars and marks underneath all that.

She watched as Nicole’s wild brown eyes tried to focus on her. She watched the lips that were always so soft and delicious when they kissed but were now dried and chapped and dried blood at the corner of her mouth tried to speak. “Shhh, baby, don’t speak. You don’t have to say anything.”

Despite the pain that she was clearly in, despite the fire in her throat from being so dehydrated, Nicole fought to speak. “Waverly…” was all she managed to say before her eyes rolled back in her head. Waverly saw it happening and lunged forward to catch Nicole just as she toppled over. She grabbed her but the taller woman’s dead weight took them both down far less gracefully than intended but at least Waverly was able to take the bulk of the impact rather than Nicole who probably couldn't handle yet another injury. As Nicole started to fall Wynonna launched herself forward as well but got to the pair a moment too late and could do nothing to help either one as they landed but she remained by Waverly’s side ready to help in any way that was needed.

Nedley took cautious steps forward, the normally self-assured man was a little hesitant on interrupting the women but there was clearly a need to get Nicole to a hospital as fast as possible. He cleared his throat and only Wynonna looked up at him, both the Heir and the Sheriff's eyes teary but neither were willing to let those tears fall because there was work to be done. The clatter and clang of the stretcher being brought near them drew Wynonna’s eyes past Nedley as she watched them come forward and then halt, awaiting the go-ahead from someone… anyone.

“Wave… Waverly… we need to get her to the hospital, okay?”

Waverly didn’t acknowledge her so Wynonna waved the EMS team over. As they leaned down and started to lift the unconscious woman Waverly began to panic and scream. Wynonna waved them off and forced her sister to look her in the face. 

“Waverly! Waverly, look at me! Shhhh, baby girl - no one is going to hurt her. We need to get her to the hospital, you know that. How about you, me, and Nedley lift her, is that better?”

The sense was coming back to Waverly’s eyes and she knew getting her lover to the hospital was truly the most important thing right now but, at the same time, she didn’t want to do anything that would make her unable to touch Nicole for even one nanosecond. She sniffed back the tears and nodded. Nedley, having heard Wynonna, stepped forward and settled at Nicole's legs while Wynonna shifted towards the taller woman’s arms. While Waverly, a strong and capable woman any other time, did help some, the bulk of the redhead’s weight was lifted by Nedley and Wynonna as Waverly was so focused on keeping Nicole’s hand in her own. The moment Nicole’s body was on the stretcher the EMS team went to work but made sure to do so around Waverly. They put the blood pressure cuff and pulse Ox went on the opposite arm that Waverly was holding on to for dear life. They began to push the stretcher away and Waverly kept even pace with them. She only let go of Nicole’s hand for the merest of moments as she jumped into the back of the rig and watched as they loaded the stretcher into the back. One guy went to the front to drive while the other slid onto the seat beside Waverly and they were off, speeding down the road to get to Purgatory General. 

As the ambulance sped down the street Waverly kept tight hold of Nicole's hand, rubbing her thumb over the back of her hand, taking care to avoid rubbing the scabbed-over-knuckles or not touch the battered wrists that are raw, chafed, and also scabbed. As much as she wanted to hold her and touch all of her, Waverly was hard-pressed to find a spot that didn’t have pain inflicted upon it, and that knowledge broke her heart as the tears continued to cascade down her face in heavy drops, splashing down onto Nicole’s dirty and tattered shirt. 

Before she knew it, she was justled as the rig came to a screeching halt and the back doors were thrown open. Suddenly Nicole’s hand was yanked from her grasp as the stretcher was pulled out while doctors and nurses crowded around the redhead. They were pushing it quickly through the doors, everyone doing something while the EMS crew were spouting out vital statistics rapidly and Waverly found herself scrambling to get out of the back of the ambulance to follow. As she climbed down Wynonna was jumping out of Nedley’s car and met up with her sister as Nicole was rapidly pushed through the inner doors for assessment and treatment. Waverly tried to follow but a nurse detached herself from the team that surrounded Nicole’s stretcher and stepped in front of Waverly’s path. The young woman was so focused on Nicole she didn’t even notice the woman in front of her but her subconscious mind made the course correction to step around her. It was only when the woman side-stepped in front of Waverly again and spoke that Waverly paid the woman in scrubs any attention. 

“What?”

“I’m sorry, miss, but you can’t go back there - hospital staff only.”

“But, but I just got her back - she needs me!”

Wynonna stepped up to her sister and tried to be the voice of reason. “It’s okay, baby girl, they got her. They need to focus on her right now so let’s go take a seat. We will wait as long as it takes, okay? We won’t leave her, don’t worry.”

The nurse gave Wynonna a quick look of gratitude for forestalling a potential meltdown before she quickly turned to go through the doors where Nicole was being treated. Wynonna, with an arm around Waverly, guided her frail sister to a nearby seat. Nedley remained off to the side near the desk and was speaking to the receptionist to give whatever information he could about his deputy. He held up a finger and stepped up to Waverly who was hunched over, her hands covering her face. He felt uncomfortable intruding on the woman’s grief but he didn’t have all the answers for the receptionist.

“Waverly?” The young woman looked up to Nedley who was spinning his hat brim around in his hand. “They’re asking questions about Nicole that I don’t know all the answers to. Surgical history, allergies, things like that.”

Waverly suddenly jumped from her seat, startling Nedley and Wynonna. “Yes! Yes, um,” Waverly rushes over to the receptionist. “She’s allergic to theo… oh shit biscuits, what is it called… the stuff to knock you out - theo....”

The receptionist helped fill in the blanks, “Thiopental?”

“Yes, that’s it. She’s allergic to that. She had to have surgery on her arm a few years back from a rock climbing accident but otherwise no other surgeries or major medical issues.” After she was blindsided by Shae the last time Nicole was rushed into the hospital - she really was here an alarming amount - Waverly sat them both down to make sure they each had a thorough history of each other. Medical history, where important documents and insurance cards were kept, and they even made sure to sign health care proxies for each other. Waverly also included Wynonna on her proxy and Nicole had Nedley as her back up but they were to be the first emergency contacts and decision-makers for each other. Waverly vowed to never be caught unaware like that again, especially when dealing with life-and-death matters. 

Waverly dug into her pocket for her wallet and started to pull out her copy of Nicole’s insurance card when she stopped and looked up at Nedley. He stepped forward at her questioning look. “Ummm, are these even still good? She’s been gone for… she’s been gone for so long.”

Nedley nodded, “I kept her on the books under extended personal leave.” Nedley saw the tears rise in Waverly’s eyes anew when she realized that he refused to believe she was gone for good just as much as she believed it. She suddenly threw herself at the older man who, after a moment of shock at the unexpected embrace, wrapped his arms around her too and let the young woman cry for a few moments before she pulled back. She aggressively wiped at the fresh waterworks and then set her shoulders - there was work to be done and she was going to do whatever she could for Nicole. If that meant filling out paperwork then that’s what she would do while the doctors did the real important stuff.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow - I wasn't expecting so many reading this after just posting it. I was going to do a chapter per week but since so many seemed interested here's chapter 2 a little early. The first two chapters are more set up and in chapter 3 we will start to learn more about what Nicole went through.

About an hour later, Nedley had already left to go back to work and Waverly was curled up in a tight ball - wedged into the uncomfortable hard seats, her head resting on her knees with her face turned to watch the doors that Nicole had gone through, refusing to look away. Wynonna was at the vending machine grumbling and bitching under her breath before a snack bag of pretzels finally fell into the tray. She came back and held them out to Waverly who made no move to take them.

“You’re a smart girl, Waverly. You know you’re no good to Nicole if you wind up in a hospital bed yourself because you haven’t eaten or slept in all these months. She’s going to need you so much, baby girl, so you better make sure you are strong enough to be there for her.” Wynonna’s words were a bit harsh but they were just enough to break through to Waverly. Without a word, the small woman took the bag, and with a quick but empty smile of gratitude, she pulled the bag open and began to force herself to eat. Even though the movements were purely mechanical Waverly eventually finished the small bag. She licked her lips and realized she was now incredibly thirsty after such a dry snack. She picked up her head and turned to look at Wynonna who was suddenly there with a bottle of water. 

“You did that on purpose,” Waverly accused. “You gave me a dry, salty snack to make me thirsty and force me to drink.”

Wynonna shrugged, thoroughly unrepentant. “Yeah, so?”

Waverly just shook her head, a tiny smile playing at her lips, as she took the bottle from Wynonna and drank. Wynonna took a moment to realize that Waverly was so distracted she didn’t even scold her for making her drink from a single-use bottle. Although she did notice that Waverly recapped the now empty bottle and put it in the pocket of her jacket that was draped over the chair back rather than throw it in the trash. Wynonna was watching Waverly and didn’t see that the doctor came out with someone else beside him. Waverly jumped to her feet, startling Wynonna who spun around to see the two people in scrubs walking their way.

“She will make it - she had no life-threatening injuries. Actually, most of her injuries were old, some by a few days, some were already healed and, uh, scarred over. The biggest concern was that she was very malnourished and dehydrated. We’ve been getting fluids and nutrients into her but it will take a while for her levels to stabilize and then we will have to introduce solid food slowly. She will probably need some physical therapy or at the very least some easy-going exercises at home to help get her energy and strength back. It doesn’t look like any of her muscles atrophied, but she is definitely in a weakened state. She will, um, she will need therapy too. Counseling. Anyone that she’s willing to open up to and speak with is important right now but she will need professional help and that’s just based on the physical assessment we’ve been able to make. She’s conscious now but she’s not said a word yet.”

As the doctor spoke, trying to give it to them in real terms without crushing the small woman Waverly couldn’t stop the tears that streamed down her cheeks. She was surprised she could even still cry anymore, thinking she must have cried herself dry by this point. She heard Wynonna sniffling beside her and felt her sister’s firm hand on her back gently rubbing circles. She knew Wynonna was crying or, at least very near to it, but she couldn’t look at her. She knew if she looked to see the strong woman’s eyes with tears she would break. 

“She’ll talk to me. She tells me everything,” Waverly asserted. 

The doctor gave her a sad look as if to say, ‘she might not talk to you, especially you’ but he covered the look quickly. “This is Stacy Montgomery, she’s a crisis counselor here at the hospital.” The doctor took a step back to allow the counselor to step forward to do her own introductions. 

Waverly’s eyes narrowed slightly but she listened to the woman. “We offer a variety of services for survivors of all kinds of assault. Since Ms. Haught…”

"Deputy…” Wynonna surprisingly interjected. It was so surprising that the correction came out of Wynonna’s mouth, of all people, that Waverly’s head snapped to the side to eye her sister. Wynonna - the one person who constantly abused the hell out of Nicole’s name, was now the one clarifying Nicole’s title to the counselor. Maybe it was one of those things where you could beat up your sister but the second anyone else even looked at her sideways you’d defend her and beat the crap out of the kid. Waverly gave her sister a sweet smile of appreciation, seeming to understand that Wynonna considers Nicole part of the family before turning her attention back to the counselor.

“Yes, sorry. Deputy Haught. Since, Deputy Haught isn’t speaking to anyone we don’t know what happened to her - not to any real extent. She may not want to talk about anything for a while, but when the time comes we are here for her and for any of you who may need support to get through this as well.”

Waverly was getting antsy, everyone could see it. The doctor pulled out a business card and handed it to Waverly who didn’t even look at it before shoving it in her pocket. “When can we see her?”

The doctor stepped forward and said, “I can take you to her room now.”

Waverly was already walking before the doctor even turned around. Wynonna and the counselor lagged behind some. “How bad is it?” Wynonna asked simply. 

“Without her telling us what happened we just don’t know the full extent but…” the counselor took a deep, bracing breath. “Whatever was done to her… it was extensive, it was prolonged, and it was incredibly painful. To be honest - I’m surprised she survived physically, but I’m very concerned about her mentally. I can’t tell yet if her mind has shut down or if she will ever speak again,” the counselor gave a shake of her head. “We just don’t know.”

“What should we do?”

“Just be there for her in any way she needs or wants. That could mean just being in the house with her, hugging her, or giving her as much space as possible. It could be as simple as slowly returning to routines to help give her a sense of normalcy and a foundation to start to build from. Even getting her into physical activity would be a good idea - it will help her regain her stamina caused by malnourishment and could help her expend pent-up energies while also releasing important chemicals like endorphins into her system which promote a sense of happiness.” The counselor also handed Wynonna one of her cards, hoping that at least one of the women would contact her. She knew those three women were going to need all the help they could get to make it through this.

** WH ** WH ** WH ** WH ** WH **

When Wynonna caught up to Waverly she was standing near the door to Nicole’s room but hadn’t gone in yet. Waverly looked up to her older sister, “I, ah, I wanted you here before I went in. But, ah, do you think you could, um, you could just wait out here for a bit, though?” Wynonna knew what she meant and would be there to offer whatever support she could to her baby sister right now, even if it was just standing nearby.

Wynonna nodded and hugged Waverly. “I got you, baby girl. Now go be there for your Haughtie,” Wynonna whispered into her sister’s ear.

Waverly stepped back, wiping away any stray tears from eyes that were swollen and red-rimmed. She didn’t want Nicole to see her so upset because now was the time she needed to be the strong one for her best baby. As Waverly walked into the room she noted that Nicole kept her eyes locked on the wall with her face turned away from the door. Even hearing Waverly entering and taking a seat in the chair beside her bed didn’t cause Nicole to so much as glance her way. There was a vacant deadness to Nicole’s eyes, those beautiful puppy eyes that always searched and sought out Waverly regardless of where they were. Now they stared off into nothingness and didn’t even acknowledge that Waverly was there, even after all this time apart.

Waverly sat in the chair for a few strained moments until she came to terms with the fact that Nicole was not going to look her way. She went to reach for Nicole’s hand but pulled away mid-reach, unsure if she should touch the traumatized woman. Although the only thing she wanted to do was crawl into that bed and hold her lover and never let go ever again she knew it was likely the last thing Nicole would want. Instead, she returned her hand to her lap and spoke softly.

“Nicole, sweetie? Baby, it’s me, Waverly.” Nicole never stirred. “Oh god, baby, I missed you so much, it’s been so long.”

Nicole’s head slowly turned to look at Waverly, the stark emptiness to the woman’s gaunt face nearly made Waverly gasp. 

“How… long,” Nicole’s voice cracked and was barely above a whisper and Waverly assumed it was from thirst and disuse. She wasn’t entirely wrong, but neither was she entirely right. 

“18 months, 3 weeks, and 4 days.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was going to post this one week after my first post but I will be unavailable so I'm posting it a little early.
> 
> This chapter we get more clues to what happened to Nicole plus the toll it's taken on Waverly.

With no outward response, Nicole just turned her head back to stare at the wall on the far side of the hospital room. Waverly tried again to touch Nicole. She wasn’t sure if it was for her own selfless need to reassure herself that Nicole was really there, to take comfort in the touch of feeling the woman who she missed so desperately, or if she wanted to provide whatever comfort she could to the redhead - it was likely all three and so much more. She placed tentative fingers on Nicole’s hand and when the woman didn’t flinch or pull away she laid her hand more fully and slid her fingers between Nicole’s. Any time their hands touched there was an instinct to clasp each other but this time Nicole’s hand remained still. While it sent a pang to her heart, Waverly at least appreciated the fact that Nicole didn’t pull away.

Now that the hospital cleaned away the filth that covered the woman Waverly could easily see various marks. Just as the doctor said, some scars suggested the wounds had plenty of time to heal while others were fresher - almost as if they were made that day - and plenty more at all stages of healing in-between. All were a grotesque indicator of the passage of time - so damn much time. They varied in shapes as well. Dark discoloration which Waverly could only assume was deep bruising ringed Nicole’s neck. Some marks looked like thin lines that Waverly assumed were from a blade of some kind while others looked like cigarette burns and still others, such as those on her wrists, were from frequent abrasions caused by whatever they used to restrain her. The hospital gown and sheet covered the majority of Nicole’s body but Waverly did not doubt that based on the marks she could see on the woman’s arms there were bound to be plenty all over the body she had been missing so desperately. The body that was now right in front of her and yet still so far away, still so untouchable.

Every time she envisioned the inevitable reunion - yes, inevitable because Waverly never once believed she would never see the woman who held her soul - it was always images of them rushing toward each other. Grabbing on to one another in crushing arms and covering each other in frantic kisses as they tried to make up for all that lost time. Never once did she consider that the woman would come back so broken and distant. Not even in any of the nightmares that frequented her since Nicole’s disappearance did she imagine that the redhead would barely look at her and when they did lock eyes there would be nothing in those eyes - barely even a spark of life remained in those gorgeous brown eyes that so often sparkled especially when they met her own.

With watery eyes Waverly looked back and saw her sister standing across from the doorway, a leg propped up against the wall she was leaning against, keeping her promise to stay near. Waverly gave her a short nod and tilt of her head that Wynonna knew meant she could come in now. With a push off the wall, Wynonna quickly made her way into the room. She placed a hand on Waverly’s back as she came up beside her.

“Hey, Haught,” it was an awkward greeting and everyone knew it but what else was there to say.

Bolstered by Wynonna’s presence, Waverly tried to get Nicole to talk. “Can I get you anything, baby?”

Nicole gave no response, no indication of even hearing Waverly. Wynonna shifted her weight from leg to leg feeling at odds with herself. She was a woman of action but there was nothing to do just now. Nedley told her his team was combing over the area near the sign with a fine-toothed comb of the area in the hopes of finding any clue as to who took Nicole but she was sure it would be the same as when the deputy was first taken - not a single lead to go on. While it would give her something to do and be a welcome distraction she also knew she'd be antsy within moments. That was not the type of action she was looking for and as much as she wanted to get out and kick some revenant ass or at least pull one of her drinking binges she knew that as ramped up as she was right now Waverly was so much worse. She could push her anxiety to the side for now just to be here for her little sister.

“So, um, Nedley - well, mostly Chrissy - has been taking great care of Calamity Jane,” Waverly tried to find anything to say, anything that might get Nicole to speak or even just look at her. With a bit of a sigh, she tried something a bit more direct. “Did you want to talk about any of it?”

It was too much too soon. Nicole, with a grimace, as she stifled the pain, turned her back to the sisters and lay on her side. The small touch that was allowed between them was now gone as her hand pulled away to tuck itself under her chin. Neither Earp was sure who cried out more as the open back of the hospital gown put the horrors of Nicole’s disappearance on full display. Waverly went into a near-catatonic state, her mind was frozen as it tried to process the sight before yet being unable to truly grasp what she was seeing. She didn’t even react, couldn’t tear her eyes away from the evidence of her lover’s abuse when, surprisingly, Wynonna made a ruckus as she bounced from one wall to the next in her race toward the bathroom where she just barely made it to the toilet to violently wretch.

Nicole’s back… the one that she spent so many nights and days lovingly trailing her fingers up and down, mapping and memorizing each curve and enjoying the subtle play of muscles as they twitched beneath her touch. There was a small scar here or there - Nicole was an avid outdoorsy person and they lived a hard life of many fights and battles but those little marks were barely noticeable. Her back… the one that she spent an equal number of times grasping onto as her hands clenched or even her fingers digging as Nicole would so beautifully bring her to climax. Now it was a map of torture and agony, a whole new map had been etched into the woman’s skin. Lines that looked like the ones Waverly assumed were from blades but also long lines some thicker than others. Some were raised like welts and so very many crisscrossing each other creating a map of chaos. The young woman wasn’t even sure what was done but whatever made these marks was done extensively and more than once.

Despite the ruckus of Wynonna’s mad dash to the bathroom and their joint cries Nicole never acknowledged it. It was as though she was so used to tuning out whatever was happening around her that very little would register enough for her to bother reacting. Waverly was sure that was probably the case - probably the only way the redhead could survive her captivity and there was no telling if the woman would ever find a way to let herself reconnect with reality.

After giving her mouth a quick rinse Wynonna took a staggering step from the bathroom. As if on their own volition, Wynonna’s eyes immediately landed on Nicole’s back before she squeezed her eyes tightly shut. With a deep, fortifying breath Wynonna stepped forward and placed a hand on Waverly’s shoulder. The contact made the young woman jolt in her seat and seemed to be the kickstart her brain needed to come back to the present. Wynonna gave a tilt of her head toward the door, a silent invitation to step out of the room, and with an equally silent response of a weak nod, Waverly slowly got to her feet and followed her sister out of the room.

Wynonna closed the door of the room behind her and the second it clicked shut Waverly launched herself into her sister’s arms and cried harder than she’d ever cried before - something she wasn’t sure was even possible considering how much she’s cried for Nicole these past 18 months and especially throughout this very day. It was too much for the small woman, though. Between the nearly two years of having just enough food to keep herself alive - often after being threatened to be force-fed by those around her, the near-constant around-the-clock researching and searching, and now the roller coaster of emotions flooding her all day her body simply gave out and she collapsed into Wynonna’s arms. It only caught the older woman slightly off guard as she honestly expected something like this sooner.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone starts to make a connection with Nicole.   
> We see a big step forward in the next chapter though (which gets ROUGH - forewarning!)

“Uh, a little help here?” Wynona called out as she held her sister’s limp body awkwardly in the middle of the hospital hallway. It’s not like the small woman weighed that much, but she was completely dead weight. A couple of nurses came rushing around the corner and helped take hold of the unconscious woman as an orderly came around with a stretcher. Waverly was gently laid on top of it as Wynonna explained the situation.

“We will get her started on fluids to get some electrolytes and nutrients back into her system. She will feel much better soon but it’s probably a good idea, given all that’s happened, that we get her in a room to spend the night so we can make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

“Is there any way you can put her in the same room as Nicole?” Wynonna asked. She wasn’t sure it was the best idea but she also knew her sister would never stay put once she regained consciousness and wasn’t at Nicole’s side.

The nurse looked as though she was going to deny the request but seemed to give it a second thought and nodded. “We’ll get her checked out with the doctor and get her comfortable then bring her into the room. Why don’t you go back in with your friend and have a seat while we handle things? She’ll be back in the room shortly.”

They pushed the stretcher away with Waverly’s limp form before Wynonna turned to reenter the room where the redhead remained on her side. Not wanting to stare at the abused back Wynonna opted to sit at the other chair in front of Nicole. She pulled it close to the bed and was nearly face-to-face with Nicole. “Waverly will be alright,” Wynonna started. “She just needed a quick checkup and some fluids and she’ll be right-as-rain they said.”

Something flickered in Nicole’s eyes upon hearing that something happened to Waverly. It was faint, it was brief, and if Wynonna hadn’t been looking at her dead-on she would have missed it entirely. She took the opening that seemed to present itself, that tiny crack that the deputy opened up, and she dove right through it in true Wynonna-style. “Yeah, so Waverly hasn’t been taking care of herself these past months. She’s barely eaten and lost too much weight and at one point we had to threaten to have her hospitalized if she didn’t start eating on her own. There was very little we could do about how much she worked on trying to find you. If she wasn’t scouring the internet, doing research, listening to the emergency coms, she was out there walking or driving through the woods and up-and-down every street in town looking for you.” Nicole’s eyes remained impassive and Wynonna thought maybe she imagined the flicker. Something in her gut told her that she did see something when Nicole thought Waverly was hurt just then, though. The elder Earp decided to try something else.  
“She kept going out to search for you without telling anyone. And a few times we left her behind at the Homestead because we didn’t think it was safe for her to be going up against the rev heads so she took it upon herself to use that time to go out looking. A few times she got herself into some trouble.” Wynonna nearly jumped out of her seat when she saw it again. She was positive she saw it this time. Nicole’s vacant stare would seem to come back more to the present, would seem to focus momentarily on Wynonna. “One time she was damn lucky too,” Wynonna decided to continue in the hopes that the more she talked about Waverly being in danger the more the redhead would tune in and come back to them. “There was a particular nasty we’d been dealing with so I was off doing my Peacemaker thing, as I do, but Waverly – being Waverly, you know how she gets – decided she was going to take a walk through the woods like she was frickin’ Red Riding Hood. Anyway, it turns out that some of the revenants that escaped from me fled into the woods and found Waverly. They surrounded her and started to close in.”

Nicole’s eyes began to focus on Wynonna but the increase of Nicole’s heartbeat on the monitor was the dead give away that the woman was being pulled in by the story. Wynonna was beyond excited to see that the woman was not only hearing her but actually listening. Even more, Nicole still cared about what happened to Waverly and that was something Wynonna was willing to exploit if it meant drawing the redhead back to reality. She settled back some and kept up the story. And then another, and another.

** WH ** WH ** WH ** WH ** WH **

By the time they wheeled Waverly into the room Wynonna’s throat was going hoarse from all the talking. While Nicole didn’t speak or do much more than just listen, the fact that the deputy stayed tuned in through multiple stories was all that mattered. Wynonna started to get up to go over to her sister’s side but took a moment to watch as Nicole’s eyes shifted slightly as they followed the nurses wheeling in the young woman. Wynonna rose to speak with the nurses to get an update on her sister.

“Seems she’s just overdone herself a bit. We gave her a little something to help her sleep to make sure she rests and gives the fluids a chance to get into her system. She will be out for a while.”

Wynonna thanked the nurse and went over to her sister. “Hey, baby girl,” she whispered to the frail and sleeping form. “Nicole is right here with you, just so you know. You can relax, she’s right here and I’m not going anywhere either.” She wasn’t sure if Waverly could hear her but she still felt it was important for her to at least say it. She gently brushes a strand of brunette hair from her sister’s face and noticed just how drawn and tired it was even now while she slept. She was glad the hospital gave her something, she needed the rest but knew her sister wouldn’t leave Nicole’s side. Assured that the young woman was fine, Wynonna walked over and helped herself to some of Nicole’s water from the pitcher sitting on the nightstand.

“You don’t mind, right?” Wynonna asked in her sarcastic way. “Too bad it’s not Whiskey, am I right?” She could picture the redhead rolling her eyes at her even though the version that was laying in the bed right now didn’t move. Her eyes did, however, remain glued to Waverly in the bed across from her. It was an improvement from all the vacant-eyed wall-staring from earlier.

Wynonna returned to her seat, making sure she was within Nicole’s eye line yet not blocking Nicole’s view of Waverly. With her water in one hand, Wynonna settled herself in by kicking off her boots and propping her legs up on Nicole’s bed. “Ahhhh, that feels good – you know how these puppies like to breathe,” the woman expressed with a sigh. She was sure she heard somewhere that giving people who suffered a trauma a sense of normalcy was important. Some such blather about going on like you normally do so she settled in to give Nicole a dose of normalcy – as much normal as you could expect from an Earp – and went back to telling Nicole stories of some of the things she missed in the nearly two years. Whenever she felt the redhead start to zone back out she would redirect to a story about Waverly and see the focus return. She spent another two hours regaling the deputy with her stories before she noticed the woman’s eyes were getting heavy but she seemed to be fighting off sleep.

Wynonna got up, pulled the nightstand away from the wall and up against the opposite wall, and then went to Waverly’s bed. She released the wheel locks and pushed the whole bed over to Nicole’s. “Okay, you two, no hanky panky while I’m gone. I’ll be back in a little while, be good.” Before she left, Wynonna scribbled a note on the small hospital notepad to let Waverly know everything was okay and that she’d be back later.

Nicole’s eyes finally closed and Wynonna left the room, killing the lights and shutting the door on her way out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A big step toward healing - but that also means revealing some of the things she went through (so, again, be forewarned)

A FEW DAYS LATER:

Her physical injuries didn’t warrant an extended hospital stay but they made sure to keep her a few days to make sure they got enough fluids into her and to slowly introduce her to solid foods. The mental and emotional injuries, however, were sadly beyond what the hospital could do and so they released Nicole with the hopes that the two determined Earps would be just what the woman would need for her recovery.

The sisters already explained that at a certain point they had to pack up Nicole’s belongings and sell her place. They barely managed to maintain their Homestead and there was no way they could keep Nicole’s place as well and so she would be moving in with them. Besides, there was no way that the woman could or should be alone.

While Wynonna veered off once she entered the house Waverly escorted a still-silent Nicole up the stairs. With a halt in her step, the smaller woman went past her bedroom – the room that she and Nicole shared so many memories in – and led the redhead to Willa’s old room. “I, um… I figured with everything maybe you wanted to have your own space. I mean, you’re totally welcome to stay wherever you want and I’m still in the room right next door if you ever want…” Waverly wanted to make sure the woman knew that she was welcome to come to her at any time but yet also not pressure her into feeling like she had to share a bed.

While Nicole hadn’t said – not that she spoke about anything that happened to her yet – anything sexual happened Waverly couldn’t imagine that the woman was not also sexually abused. If someone thought so little of another human to do the things she could only imagine based on the evidence left on her lover’s skin she had no doubt they wouldn’t have crossed over into sexual violence either. “Well, why don’t you settle in? I will be downstairs if you need me, okay?” When Nicole didn’t respond Waverly just took a deep breath and left the room, closing the door behind her. So much of the smaller woman was breaking – all she wanted was for Nicole to say, or even just indicate in some small way – that she was wanted or needed. She refused to show the hurt in front of Nicole but by the time she made it down the stairs and into the kitchen where Wynonna was her face was awash with tears.

NEXT DAY:

Wynonna often slept wherever she would flop, often on the couch downstairs. When the sounds of someone moving around at the early dawn hours finally broke through her sleep she realized someone had gone outside. The haze of sleep was quickly washed from her mind as she went to make sure they were safe. She pulled Peacemaker from its ever-present spot, holstered on her hip, and slipped on her leather jacket as she quietly eased the door open. While she was prone to just bulldozing her way into situations, the fact that whatever woke her was on the Homestead grounds she wanted to exercise caution and thus went into stealth mode.

As she carefully eased open the door she saw the tall figure make its way to the barn. Out here in the middle of nowhere, the darkness was almost total but the small shaft of light from the porch lights gave Wynonna enough of a view to tell that the figure was Nicole. She was surprised to see the woman up and about, especially at this hour. She put the gun back in its holster but moved as quietly as she could. She was curious as to what the redhead was up to, especially considering they haven’t been able to get anything out of the woman who seemed to be in some kind of waking catatonic state.  
As she came around and slipped inside the barn she watched from the corner as Nicole stood in front of a dirty and chipped mirror. Slowly, the woman lifted her shirt and just seemed to be staring at her topless self. Just as Wynonna was getting uncomfortable spying on the half-nude woman and was about to sneak back out the way she came she noticed Nicole reach up and start to trace some of the scars and wounds. “I’m ugly,” the words were almost deafening. The woman had barely spoken since being found and the harsh; brokenness of her voice was evidence of that. But the pain and disgust behind the words made them seem even harsher. “Do you think she will ever see past it?”

Wynonna froze – was Nicole speaking to herself in the mirror?

“I know you’re there,” Nicole seemed to answer Wynonna’s unspoken question. “I am always aware when someone is stalking me… now.”

Wynonna, with a slight look of guilt on her face, straightened and came around to stand openly in the room but made it a point to keep her eyes looking anywhere but at the topless woman. “You know she sees beyond all that,” was all Wynonna could say. She didn’t want to diminish what happened to the woman or dismiss what she was feeling but she knew Nicole needed to know that Waverly loved the woman – not the skin.

Nicole pulled her shirt back on and Wynonna relaxed some and moved closer but still keeping a distance so as not to spook the other woman. “What’s beyond it is just as damaged,” the redhead said – her eyes never looking away from her reflection in the dirty and tattered mirror.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t put some of the pieces back together,” Wynonna said softly. “Will there be scars? Sure. I know plenty about how scars can remain but there is a point where they start to heal. I learned that the scars of the past can be healed because of Waverly. Because of you too. Your scars, physical and emotional, go much deeper than anything I’ve had to face and I can’t even begin to imagine what you went through, but I’ve been in that darkness and the only way I came out of it was by following the light that is Waverly.”

Wynonna was a little surprised at herself. She was not the usual go-to-gal for these types of speeches. She knew that she was able to pull Nicole to some basic level of focus with her stories at the hospital and now the woman trusted her enough to speak to her, she was going to do or say whatever she could to keep Nicole present and to help in any way she could.

“And I will do whatever you need to help guide you back into the light,” the small yet assuring voice said.

Both taller women startled and spun to see Waverly at the doorway, wrapped in her blanket and yet somehow looking fierce in her determination. Nicole gave Waverly a long look before turning back to the mirror. “I don’t remember everything,” she said as she traced lines along her arms.

Neither Earp spoke as Waverly carefully eased close to Wynonna, wanting to be closer to Nicole. The sisters seemed to be in sync with letting Nicole speak when she wanted to speak and would stay there with her for as long as was needed. “Days blended. One beating just started to become like the other.” Nicole’s voice started to take on a distant note to it – the eyes looking out from the mirror became distant as she was pulled into the memories.

_Her arms and legs were bound spread-eagle as she was pinned to the floor of the small room. Her head hurt so badly from where she was struck rendering her unconscious. Anytime she moved her head it made her stomach roil and she wanted to vomit but a part of her instincts told her that she wouldn’t be able to roll to her side and she’d aspirate. Fighting through the pounding in her head she did note that her clothes were still on and other than the pain in her head she seemed relatively unscathed. Until he stepped into her line of sight._

_“Took you long enough to wake up,” he said._

_“So sorry to keep you waiting,” Nicole shot out a retort._

_Her comment was met with a swift kick to her side and, being bound as she was, there was no way to protect herself._

_“Think you’re a smart ass, don’t you?” He questioned._

_She bit back another smart ass comment as she was still struggling to catch her breath from the kick and knew she was definitely in a precarious situation._

Nicole’s hands went to her side and she turned pain-filled eyes toward the Earp sisters as she sank to her knees. Wynonna was there first, grabbing hold of the woman and easing down with her, settling her between her legs while Waverly dropped her blanket and settled in front of Nicole. “He… he started with just basic abuse,” Nicole gave a disgusted chuckle as she refused to look at either woman. “How pathetic to think that being kicked and punched was just basic abuse.”

Waverly fortified herself and took the lead that she felt was needed. It was a risk, because if it was too much or if she pushed the wrong way it could cause Nicole to retreat, but something was pulling at her that the redhead needed to be coaxed a little. That she needed to know the other women were listening and weren’t going to leave no matter what they heard. As much as she wanted to reach out to touch Nicole, as much as she wanted to be the one whose arms were wrapped around her it seemed that Nicole needed to feel the touch from Wynonna who exuded a different kind of strength and comfort, Waverly was all too happy to let the redhead take from either of them what she needed. “How long did the punching and kicking go on?” Waverly asked, her voice even and gentle.

“I… I don’t know. There was no sense of time. It was a small room – just enough for me to walk 10 paces in any direction, with no windows and just one solid door. I never knew what time of day it was, what day it was. It seemed like there was no set schedule to when he’d feed me so I couldn’t even gauge by feedings. Hell, he didn’t even always feed me.” Nicole’s eyes were completely vacant as she relayed the basics of her experiences as if part of her needs to be detached to retell the events but also that part of her is stuck at that moment, reliving it.

_Nicole was battered and bloody when he finally came back dragging a hose through the door with him. He turned on the water to hose her down, the coldness of the water shocking her system but as her mind cleared from the jolt of the freeing water her survival instincts kicked in and she tried to desperately lap at the water to quench the burning need for something to drink. Just as she was getting some drops of water into her mouth he cut the stream and laughed at her desperate attempts to find more water, her body straining weakly against the bindings. He cut the ropes, leaving the loops dangling from her raw wrists, and watched her curl up into herself._

_“Hungry, pet?” he asked as he put a tray on the floor where he stood, between his feet. Nicole looked up at him, unsure but the need for food was clear on her face. “Well, come get it,” he beckoned._   
_Nicole scooted forward tentatively and when she was just within arms-reach of the plate she stretched out and went to pull the plate toward her. He stomped down on her wrist, pinning it to the ground and Nicole let out a cry of both pain and surprise. “Not that way,” he said. He lifted his booted foot from her wrist, placed the boot to her shoulder, and pushed her away from the food. Nicole rubbed at the wrist and looked up at the man with anger and fear. “Be a good pet, won’t you, and come get this food that I’m being so kind as to let you have.”_

_It was the second time he used that word ‘pet’ and Nicole had a pretty good idea of what he wanted from her. She was so hungry but she refused to give in to the sick fetish of this whack-job who kidnapped her. She sat back and shot him a look of determination. He laughed at her show of defiance._

“He seemed to get off on my refusing him, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to make me pay for being ‘willful’ as he called it.” Nicole’s voice was devoid of any emotion, just as empty as her stare as she refused to look at either Waverly or Wynonna. Waverly remained in front of Nicole while Wynonna continued to hold the woman between her legs, giving her the physical support she needed.

“What was your punishment?” Waverly asked, pulling more from Nicole. The redhead, normally so strong and such a strength to those around her, now needed these two women to be her strength and they both seemed to sense exactly what she needed.

“It was days - at least it seemed like days - since he returned. I had no food, nothing to drink. Nothing but the sound of my own breathing and screaming. I thought he was going to leave me there to die of thirst and hunger.”

_Nicole was nearly ravenous and crazy with hunger and thirst. He came back into the room and Nicole eyed him warily through the loose hairs that fell across her face. He put the plate down on the floor between his feet once more. He didn’t speak a word to her this time. He just merely stood with a knowing smile on his lips._

_Nicole didn’t waste a single moment; afraid he would take the food once again and truly leave her to die. She crawled forward on her hands and knees until she reached the man and the plate. She reached out to take a piece of food from the plate but when he shifted his foot she immediately withdrew her hand like she’d been burned. “Na ah, not that way my pet,” the man scolded. She leaned forward and took a bite of food from the plate using just her mouth and swallowed it, along with her pride._

Nicole refused to look at Waverly, afraid to see the look of shame or, even worse, the pity, which she knew would be there. She wouldn’t dare tell either of them what other things he made her do for a bite to eat or a sip to drink. She started to pull into herself and could feel Wynonna’s arms tighten around her. Part of her was screaming that she was being trapped, being bound and restricted again, but somewhere through that cloud of distrust a part of her was feeling the warmth and tenderness – dare she even think… the security… of that embrace.

Waverly wanted to press for more because Nicole was finally opening up and speaking but she was always so tuned into her lover and saw the redhead retreating. She also noticed how the woman refused to look at her but one hurdle at a time. She firmed herself up and sat back, her look hardening as she steeled herself against wanting to reach out to touch the hurting woman and feeling not just a little jealous that it was Wynonna’s arms wrapped around Nicole instead of her own but right now this was about Nicole and what she needed. It seemed that Nicole needed to feel something from Wynonna and while so much of her ached to know why she sought solace with her sister Waverly was willing to do whatever was necessary, even if it broke her own heart in the process.

With her shoulders set in resolve, Waverly declared an end to this session and hoped to move it into the next area that Nicole needed drastic attention in – eating and gaining weight back. “I think this is a perfect time to take a break and sit at the table and have something to eat. Will you come inside and I will make something for you?”

Wynonna could feel a hitch in Nicole’s breathing and the redhead’s eyes skimmed across the face of her lover so quickly it would have been easily missed had Waverly not been looking. “C’mon, Haughtst…” Wynonna was about to drop one of the myriad nicknames she used for the woman but hesitated and then in her true ‘Wynonna’ fashion went ahead and finished the statement “Haughtstuff. We will all go inside and sit at the table. You can eat whenever and however much you want, but let’s go inside to the table, okay?”

A moment of silence hung between them before Nicole finally nodded. “Go on ahead, I will be there in a minute.” When neither Earp made a move to leave she reaffirmed, “I will be there. I just need a minute.”

Wynonna pulled away from the woman and Nicole nearly shivered at the sudden lack of warmth and sense of protection but she remained still. It wasn’t hard to make her body do or not do things anymore as she learned to control her body in ways she never thought possible. Then again, she never dreamed she would ever have to learn such things and still, she learned to hide things that would normally be involuntary reactions to keep them hidden from him because it could easily entice him. She also learned to make her body act and react in ways she never would have imagined as yet another way to minimize whatever he would do to her. So, she kept perfectly still, because she didn’t want a shiver to cause concern and then the Earps wouldn’t leave and would just keep on fussing over her.

As the sisters left the barn and headed back to the house Nicole remained seated on the barn and turned to face that mirror once more. The irony of wanting the sisters gone after spending nearly two years wishing, hoping, and praying to reconnect with them wasn’t lost on her. Well, perhaps not two years - she couldn’t remember at what point but she knew that it hurt her far more to hope for reconnecting with the Earps, with all her new family in Purgatory than if she just disconnected from the idea of ever seeing them again. But before that moment… before she turned those desires off - oh how badly she wanted to feel Waverly’s arms around her. How much she yearned for looking into those beautiful hazel eyes and getting lost in their depths. She even found herself hurting over how much she missed the way Wynonna would just barge into a room. It’s like the woman didn’t know how to enter a room or building like normal people do. Nope, Wynonna just bulldozed her way into every space she ever entered and while it easily irked the redhead, especially all the times when it interrupted her time with Waverly, by the gods she wished for it then. She wished and hoped so hard that Wynonna would come kicking down the damn door in her big bravado way and she’d finally see her beloved and her friends again and they’d just move on from it all. But that moment never came and Nicole made the decision to just control yet one more part of her body - her mind - and refused to let it wander or pine for the people who were long gone from her life. And yet, now - here those people were. They were really there - in the flesh and no longer a sick delusion of her mind but she spent too much time turning it all off that she couldn’t feel the joy of having them there and touching her.

But that’s just it. They were there. She was there. They were there together. Her Waverly was right… fucking… there! All she has to do is reach out. No more wishing. No more hoping. No more praying. Just go inside and put a hand on the smaller woman and feel her. And oh, she hasn’t felt in so long.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the massive delay. Things with the holidays made weird turns and then an emergency arose that required a very sudden move on my part and things have been in major limbo since but hopefully settling down. I also kind of lost the grove of the story but hopefully can pick it back up but will likely end it sooner than expected. Only 3 pages but it felt like it was a good place to end for a chapter and there will be more shortly. I am going to put some action in the next chapter.

Nicole quietly made her way into the house and took a moment to watch the sisters as they bustled about in the kitchen. Wynonna was setting the table with condiments and utensils while Waverly we focused on the stove. A small smile twitched at the corner of her mouth, something she wasn’t even sure she could do anymore but she allowed it to play at her lips as she took in the scene of chaotic domesticity in front of her because, wherever there was an Earp – especially Wynonna – there was chaos. She allowed herself to clear away some of the cobwebs of her memories and recall the many times she was inside that vortex of chaos and how it never seemed all that overwhelming to her. It weirdly was down-right comforting. How many times had she sat at the table with her friends to have a meal or even a drink after a clusterfuck of a day? How many times had she dropped herself into her chair – yes, her chair? She didn’t realize it before, hadn’t even noticed it happening, but she’d become so incorporated into the Earp family that she had her own chair at the table. 

Waverly was snapping off the dials on the stove as Wynonna was placing the last of the settings on the table, including subconsciously setting the place for Nicole at her usual spot. Nicole made her way into the kitchen as Waverly was putting the plates to the table and the three of them settled into the meal. Nicole sat for a long moment looking at the serving in front of her, a veritable feast that would sustain her for a month compared to the sporadic and meager servings she had grown accustomed to. She went to reach for a piece of food with her hands but quickly detoured and picked up the utensil, something she was happy to be allowed to have again. He removed all access to utensils after she tried to stab him in the neck with a fork. These things that had never been a thought in her mind before that had since been taken away from her now seemed both strange and comforting to have back in her life and before she knew it the plate was nearly empty. Wynonna had gotten up from her seat and returned to the stove silently and just as Nicole was trying to get the last of the crumbs Wynonna came to the table with a frying pan with a fresh serving and refilled Nicole’s plate. Her eyes instantly began to water as she looked up to the dark-haired woman and gave her a nearly imperceptible nod of gratitude, something Wynonna was able to pick up on easily enough and give one in return. That was the funny thing about Wynonna – she could be so easily wrapped up in her own life, and understandably so, but sometimes she could also be so incredibly perceptive of those around her. At times, it seemed, that Wynonna could see through all the excess and right into the real core of the situation and just seem to know exactly what a person was thinking or feeling and it was usually when someone was hiding a deep pain. Maybe because Wynonna was so used to hiding her own pain and tormented thoughts, she was an expert in seeing it in others. 

As Nicole finished the second plate of food the Earps cleared the table and started the dishes. As Nicole stood to add her dish to the pile in the sink she took a towel from the rack and started to dry the ones Waverly had set to dry. A simple act and no one wanted to call attention to it but everyone seemed to acknowledge it as a big step in the right direction. Wynonna finished putting away the rest of the condiments and leaned up against the counter eyeing the redhead. It had been so quiet for so long, no one wanting to speak and break the spell of tentative normalcy that settled over them. So, when Wynonna spoke, it caused Nicole to jump and nearly drop the plate she was drying. Even Waverly gave a little start at the sound of her sister’s voice as it broke through everyone’s silent thoughts.

“So, Red, I was thinking of going for a stroll through the woods out there to make sure we don’t have any more issues with those rev-heads that have been getting a little brave lately. A few have been trying to get in close to the homestead and I want to make sure they aren’t setting up for anything big.” Wynonna’s excuse seemed strained and Waverly turned to her sister and almost started to call her out on it. There haven’t been any revenants pushing against the borders of the homestead – the ammolite that surrounded the place made sure to keep them out. But something on Wynonna’s face seemed to clue the younger Earp into the fact that this was nothing by a ploy, albeit not a clever one, to get Nicole out of the house. When she saw Nicole start to falter, almost fold back in on herself at the prospect of leaving the house, Wynonna wasn’t ashamed to use the same trick she used to gain Nicole’s focus back at the hospital. 

“I especially want to try to catch that one rev that’s been hassling Waverly.” 

Waverly went to speak but noticed how Nicole’s eyes seemed to instantly clear and sharpen. A concern with a bit of fire seemed to ignite in them at the thought of Waverly being bothered or potentially harmed by anyone, much less a revenant. She gave a quick look to her sister in wonder at how she knew how to get through to Nicole as she missed out on the exchange in the hospital given that she was briefly unconscious. Nicole gave a curt nod and turned quickly on her heels to get her things and Waverly watched her leave before turning on her sister.

“What the hell was that?” Waverly asked with a mixture of appreciation and incredulity. 

Wynonna just shrugged. “The only thing that seems to get through that messed up head of hers is you. She can’t stay hiding out here in the homestead for the rest of her life and the doctors said getting her physically active will help her both mentally and physically. There’s no way she was going to leave unless she felt it was to protect you.” Waverly narrowed her eyes at her sister. “Yeah, there was a whole thing at the hospital where I figured out that you were the way through to her. Anyway,” Wynonna said with an exaggerated huff and pushed off from the counter, “I’m going to take Haught stuff out to the woods to get her blood pumping.”

“And what if you run into a revenant for real? Do you think she can handle being in a fight? What if something happens to her while you’re out there?” Waverly started to work herself up into a tizzy of concern.

“Relax. There hasn’t been much activity from those idiots lately and they rarely come this way unless there’s a big bad brewing… Ha, I made an illustration…”

“Alliteration,” Waverly corrected in an exasperated tone.

“Whatever. Besides, I think killing some of those assholes would do her some good. Get some of that frustration that’s got to be pent up inside her out.”

“God, Wynonna, you’re so damn smart and yet stupid at the same time. Just please be careful. Is your phone charged? How long will you be? What route are you taking?” Waverly machine-gunned questions at Wynonna as they walked out of the kitchen with Wynonna mostly ignoring her nervous sister. She pulled on her leather jacket as Nicole came bounding down the stairs ready to go. Wynonna checked that she had Peacemaker and it was fully loaded and then handed Nicole the big shotgun that usually sat by the door since they seemed to need it with alarming regularity. The former deputy seemed a little awkward with the weapon, holding it like it was a strange creature for a long moment and Waverly was just about to tell Wynonna it was too soon for Nicole to go out but old habits seemed to kick into gear and Nicole gripped the weapon firmly and racked it, ready to go.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For those who don't know - I am a full time traveler so I roam the country to hike/geocache, kayak, snorkel/scuba, etc. I just made it to FL to the RV park where I will be spending a month but I'm just out of reach of the wifi and need to walk down to the rec center to access it so I only do it periodically so posting will still be sporadic.

Wynonna and Nicole walked the parameter of the homestead, more of a spiral that slowly expanded outward than an actual circle around the property. With a light spring rain the night before it was easy to see in the soft ground if any tracks warranted Wynonna to be more attentive so she spent most of her time utterly bored but also keeping at least one eye on the redhead beside her. She even purposefully slowed her own pace to lag back, only a few steps really but enough to leave Nicole some physical space.

Nicole, on the other hand, was hyper-vigilant and Wynonna was sure it was likely a mix of her old self which always took her job as deputy seriously and was, for the most part, pretty stuck on following rules and the fact that was her first time outside in likely nearly two years. She’d clearly been trapped inside somewhere all this time and then was whisked away to the hospital then brought right to the homestead. She’d either been a captive or under the constant watch of everyone around her. Wynonna couldn’t imagine what was going on in the woman’s head but she could figure the normally independent woman could probably use not just the literal fresh air for a change, but the time away from prying eyes and everyone constantly asking if she’s okay or walking on eggshells around her.

Nicole was so focused on looking out ahead of her for any potential threats or signs that revenants had been casing the property that she didn’t notice Wynonna hanging back and that the distance was slightly and slowly increasing between them until she went to take a glance to Wynonna and noticed the dark woman was not in her immediate space. She stopped dead in her tracks and her breathing turned from slow and steady to rapid and gasping, her heartbeat instantly jumping up a notch. Wynonna noticed the woman go rigid and the signs of panic taking over so she jogged up beside her and tried to play it cool.

“Sorry, I drifted off into my head there for a second and didn’t realize I wasn’t keeping up,” she said forcing her voice to sound upbeat and friendly. She watched as Nicole’s eyes darted to her and to the woods around them and back to her over and over as if she was trying to tell her brain that she was really out of the room and that Wynonna was standing there. After a tense few moments of silence, the redhead’s breathing seemed to slow and she gave Wynonna a quick nod and a placating smirk before resuming her walk.

“There are no revs, are there?” Nicole’s voice was low and hoarse, still unaccustomed to being used.

It sounded so alien to Wynonna that she gave a quick look around them to see if someone else had sneaked up on them. She realized that she missed hearing Nicole and that she grew to like how the woman finally started to relax around her and throw an equal amount of shade at Wynonna.

“Right now? No, probably not. Have there been? Welllllllll,” Wynonna stretched out the word much like how she stretched out the truth. “There have been some sightings a little too close for my liking but nothing I’m actually worried about, no.”

The silence stretched out between them for long moments as they continued to walk, although Nicole’s alertness seemed to be reined in now. “I almost forgot what fresh air smelled like,” she offered.

Wynonna nodded knowingly, “I don’t know where you were this whole time but I figured it was somewhere indoors. Figured you’d probably want to see that you have all the space you want, no walls keeping you inside.”

They walked a few more steps before Nicole responded, “No physical walls, perhaps. There’s plenty of walls in here,” she said and pointed to her head.

Wynonna stopped walking and put her hand on Nicole’s arm and in rare moment of depth and sincerity she asked, “But are there walls here?” She placed a hand over her left breast to indicate her heart.

A tear jumped to Nicole’s eye and trickled down her cheek before she could even stop herself. She nodded and the tears came faster and harder, “I’m afraid there are. That there might be too many,” she confessed. “What if I can’t love again? What if I can’t love **_her_** again?”

Wynonna sidled up to the distraught woman and gave her a one-armed embrace. Something that was just enough to offer the sentiment of comfort without being too smothering. “If that was the case you wouldn’t have come out here in the first place. We both know the only reason I talked you into getting out of that house was because you thought a revenant was bothering Waverly. The love you two have, that doesn’t just go away.”

“It’s not like I fell out of love with her – I just…” Nicole took some steps forward and Wynonna followed right beside her. “I just had to shut everything down to survive. Believing that… that I’d ever see her again just hurt too damn much. It gave me hope and having hope, after a certain point, that was more torture than most anything else.”

Wynonna didn’t know what to say exactly. It’s not like she could tell Nicole that she’d get through it and everything would come out okay in the end because they all knew that was a lie. What happened to Nicole irrevocably changed her and left its marks deeply – on her skin and her soul equally. “But she’s here, you’re here… we’re all here. It’s okay to have hope back,” Wynonna tried.

Nicole wiped at the tears that lessened and gave Wynonna a quick nod. That simple nod you give when you’re not agreeing or believing what the person is telling you but you’re more catering to them so they won’t keep pushing. That probably would have worked on most people, but Wynonna loved to push things.

“She loves you truly… madly… deeply…” Wynonna stopped for a second as if to ask herself why that sounded familiar before giving herself a quick shake of the head and continuing and Nicole couldn’t help the little sputter of… was that a laugh? A snort really, but Wynonna would take the points where she could get them. “Anyway, you know she loves you and will wait as long as you need. I know you love her, even if it is behind some walls, it’s still there. And you know she’d never do anything to hurt you so it’ll be safe to let them down… when you’re ready.”

This time Nicole gave her a smirk and a more genuine nod of agreement because she knew what the crazy woman said was all true. Getting her heart and mind to open up was something she didn’t know how to do but she knew at least two women were willing to help.

She and Wynonna spent another hour walking in far more companionable silence. They never really went too far away from the homestead the former deputy noticed, but it did her a world of good to just do something as simple as a walk outside. Wynonna strayed a few times, lagging back, and generally drifting off into her headspace. At one point Nicole looked over her shoulder to see the grown-ass woman skipping like a deranged child mumbling some kind of ditty under her breath. She couldn’t make it out entirely but it sounded like she was saying:

_“If you go off in the woods today  
You’re in for a big surprise  
The girl with the big ass gun  
Is finished with compromise”_

Trying to figure out what Wynonna said or did sometimes was far beyond most people and Nicole didn’t have the mental stamina to figure out Wynonna’s topsy-turvy mind when she had plenty of things to unravel in her own head.


End file.
